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Divorce Strategies Group

Denise French

Archives for April 2021

Mediation and Co-Parenting: Why It Works

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As difficult as a divorce can be for a married couple, it can be just as upsetting and confusing for the children of the relationship. Not only are you trying to cope with a major life change, but you are also responsible for inflicting as little trauma as possible to the children of the relationship. Parents want what is best for their kids and often fear the effects a potentially long, drawn out court battle can have -with good reason!! Battling parents in long litigation can be catastrophic for the family and for your little ones.

One alternative to a litigated divorce some families find success with, is divorce mediation. Through mediation, you can often talk through each aspect of your divorce agreement without needing to take things to court or work with multiple lawyers and at a fraction of the cost and time of traditional divorce.

Mediation also allows you and your spouse to set an example for your children by reconciling your differences in a healthy and mature manner.

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Creating a Parenting plan, not a custody battle

 When it comes to deciding the specifics of custody and how each parent will spend time with their children, there are several options. One is fighting it out and going to court for a judge ultimately to decide what is best for you, your children and your family unit going forward.  Often, if things get ugly other professionals are brought in to give an opinion of you as a parent and the other parent – amicus attorney’s (an attorney for the children) and mental health professionals are common place in custody battles. The stress, personally speaking, is breathtaking and the fees add up quickly.  Many of these divorces can cost upward of $60,000, $80,000, and more.   The second option is through mediation and collaborating with a team of professionals  to determine what is best for your kids and your continued co-parenting relationship. Your mediator will work with both of you to create a parenting plan that works best for the entire family.   Mediation is about forward looking at what life will look like for all of you. What are your schedules?  What is most important to you?  What special needs, wants or issues need to be addressed around your children?  This is a place to really focus on the solution, not the blame game or the past.  You are getting a divorce. Emotions aside, there are important decisions to be made about your family. Mediation helps you do this in an effective, timely manner.

Save the dirty laundry for another day

 We often hear concerns that going to court will air all your family’s dirty laundry and past parenting mistakes. Unfortunately, this often causes damage to co-parenting relationships and can lead to anger and resentment. In mediation, the goal is not to place blame for past wrongs, but rather for both parties to focus their energy on working to raise their children in the future. The end result is the desire to preserve the family unit and make positive decisions about your child’s care moving forward.

Co-parenting for better or worse

 You may not be married anymore but you still must have a relationship with the other parent for years to come. Children have a base need to feel safe and secure. Healthy co-parenting during a divorce often involves a lot of self-editing, communication with your ex-spouse, and consistent rules and expectations for kids. Unless there is a valid concern or the wellbeing of a child is in question, there is no room for negativity. Family dynamics are going to change, but it should not be at the cost of your children. 

Mediators don’t take sides

 Most couples fear that the court system is biased and that a contested divorce can end up pitting one parent against the other to the detriment of the children. In a litigated divorce, a judge can ultimately decide your parental rights. Mediation allows for negotiations and more control over the custody agreement.

Mediators are highly trained to act as neutrals in divorce cases. She/he will take both parents worries and concerns into consideration and work with you both to create a plan of action. If you and your spouse are willing to work together for the sake of your child, you can likely come to an agreement in mediation that you both agree is in the best interest of your child.  You are also able to help craft an agreement you are vested in.

If you would like more information about mediation and our collaborative process, please visit our site at www.divorcestrategiesgroup.com.  We offer mediation packages with a family law attorney and a financial expert helping you facilitate a win-win agreement for you and your family.   Please click here to schedule a complimentary consultation to learn more about how this may help you.

5 Smart Financial Tips to Plan a Divorce

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Thinking about divorce?  If you are, kudos to you for being here and reading this article.  Careful preplanning can save you time, money, and emotional turmoil.

This is already an emotional and stressful time. If you are like me and many of the people we guide through divorce, this also be a time when your thinking is the cloudiest. It is typical to have trouble understanding simple concepts or even wrapping your head around everyday problems.  That is normal!   Relax, take a deep breath, and know you can do this.  We can help.  Here are 5 simple things which can help you prepare financially for a divorce.

1. Have access to money – liquid cash or credit.

 This is vital!! You deserve to have access to funds for your basic living needs as well as professional support throughout your divorce.   This can mean a credit card in your name only, a separate bank account in your name, or even a stash of cash in a shoebox or safety deposit box.

Many couples function well working from joint accounts during their divorce, but we have also seen vindictive spouses empty joint accounts as soon as divorce is mentioned. You do not want to be left without access to funds to pay for divorce professionals or for basic living needs.  Be smart and take the necessary precautions before you discuss divorce with your spouse.

We do NOT mean hide money – we are simply suggesting you have access to funds which cannot be taken from you by an angry spouse without your approval.   You can open a credit card in YOUR NAME only while still using the marital income to qualify for a larger amount of credit.  There is nothing wrong with doing this prior to filing for divorce.  Be sure to do it before temporary orders are in place (aka when you file for divorce.)  If you have already filed for divorce, check with your attorney on what you can, and cannot do, under the laws in your county.

 

2. Gather all the financial documents you can find.

 Financial statements provide a road map to your estate.  They are the building blocks to a marital inventory and proof of ownership or debt.  I am referring to bank statements, retirement and investment account statements, mortgage statements, paystubs, tax returns, insurance policies, credit card statements, and anything else that seems important. Having copies of all this not only helps you stay informed about your financial situation but will save you money when you meet with a divorce professional and already have an organized file of your financial life.

Another reason to gather all the documents you can is to search for hidden assets.  We have had many women come into our office over the years with a box (or boxes) of documents.  One woman was told over and over by her husband they were “dead broke”. He would not even purchase new bed mattresses – he only bought them used.  By going through old tax records, we found $100,000 plus in CD’s and two rent houses she did not know they owned!

Information is power – gather all of it that you can, prior to beginning your divorce.

 

3. Take some time to thank about what you want in your future.

 It can be easy to get so wrapped up in the details of the present you forget about what is next. Do not make that mistake!   Stop and take some time to think about your life after your divorce. In particular – the financial side. Where do you want to live? What are your expenses going to be like? I recommend you put together a budget outlining all your expected living expenses. This will give you some clarity about what you will need moving forward and can lessen some of the anxiety about the future.

It may also make sense to work with a divorce financial advisor prior to filing so you can have an idea of what life after divorce will look like.

 

4. Find a Divorce Financial Coach or Therapist.

This may not seem like it is a financial step, but it is. A professional on your team that will help you make sound decisions can make a big financial impact on your future. Emotions run high during the divorce process and as we said earlier, your thinking will be cloudy. A divorce coach can help you work through those emotions to free your mind up for the business of divorce so you can objectively focus on the financial outcome.  A therapist can help you unbundle why you are in fear or why you feel the way you do and help you overcome obstacles entangling you emotionally.

When I went through divorce I had an amazing therapist guiding me and helping me untangle the feelings I had.  To be able to negotiate from a place of power, I had to get my emotions behind me and look at the situation like a business negotiation.  I worked with that therapist for 2 years after the divorce to help me not pick the same type of person and I didn’t. I am now remarried for nearly 12 years as of this writing and with a wonderful man who is very good to me and my daughter from my prior marriage.

 

5. Finally, think about how you would like to divorce.

If you think it is going to be a battle for every asset and advantage, then adversarial litigation attorneys will be involved, and the cost will be $20,000 – $50,000 or more. If you envision a more amicable process, then perhaps mediation is in your future. It will allow the two of you to talk through the issues and agree between yourselves what works best, saving a lot of money in the process. In either case you may want a financial professional, like a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, to be part of your team. The CDFA® can help remove any confusion about your financial situation, present options for the division of your assets, and provide a picture of how a given settlement will impact your financial future today and in the future.

A divorce is probably the largest financial transaction most people will undertake during their lifetime so make sure you are fully informed. These 5 simple things will get you started on the right track and help make the difficult process of a divorce go more smoothly.

For a complimentary consultation please schedule with us online today or call us at 281-505-8177.  Also, to understand your divorce options sign up for Divorce Options in Texas either online or in person in our Woodlands location or Houston location.  More information can be found online at www.divorcestrategiesgroup.com.