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Divorce Strategies Group

Denise French

Archives for December 2022

New Year New You: Three Resolutions Worth Making

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Starting over can seem impossible after divorce. We may have lost who we are, had our future erased, or felt hopeless. The direction of our lives was now completely different. A roadmap once dotted with destinations, now leads to someplace different. Now is the time to recapture and invent your new path. Here are three ways to reclaim and thrive in 2023. Let’s raise a glass and toast to new beginnings!

Rediscover Who You Are:

It can seem impossible to make a fresh start. We don’t know who we are as single adults. This new life can seem overwhelming and scary. Venturing into the unknown can feel like jumping into the abyss. I remember after my own divorce – I had no idea who I was as a single woman. My identity for years was “so and so’s wife”. As the years passed, I slowly lost who I was to who I was supposed to be in the eyes of my ex-husband and those he associated with him. Gaining a title meant losing myself. What I came to realize post-divorce was that there was more to me that being “Mrs. so and so”.

My strategy for doing this was to remind myself who I was prior to marriage and what I wanted for myself. I spent time reflecting on what I loved about myself prior to becoming a wife and cutting out the things that I had been told I needed to let go of once a ring was placed upon my finger. I revisited the times I had thought to myself, “ I wish he could see who I really am”. I had packed away all of the things I treasured most about myself and stuffed that sadness into a secret space within myself.

I made a new vow to myself instead of another person. It was time to rewrite my future. No more compromising my value as a person for the sake of someone else’s expectations. This realization that I could do anything as a single woman, as long as it didn’t conflict with the standards, I set for myself or affect the kind of mother I was. It was incredibly freeing.

I wanted to be a  valuable member in the work force. That may not be everyone’s dream, but that was mine. I wanted to garnish a good paycheck and do something that made me feel good about myself and helped others.  That is exactly what I found – and then some. 

Look Forward to Life

I love to travel and have found that having a trip on the horizon boosts my spirits.  It gives me something to be excited about. I may be feeling down or overwhelmed but I can always think about what’s to come and it keeps me moving forward. What do you love to do? Can you use those passions to drive you forward?

Part of the healing process in divorce is to highlight your life with things you love. Self-care is incredibly important during this time period. It can be small things like a good bubble bath and a book, new haircut, having your nails done, or even treating yourself to a nice dinner out with friends. It can also be really big things like moving into a new home, finding a job you’re passionate about, or traveling somewhere you’ve longed to explore all your life.

The world is your oyster! Get excited! Treat yourself to imaging your best life and taking steps to achieve the future you deserve.

Good Grief

Science has proven our brain chemistry is changed during this grieving process. We call it “divorce brain” and it’s very real. You may feel forgetful, overwhelmed, and stuck. Know that this grieving process is very similar to the death of a loved one. While you won’t ever forget this chapter in life, you can move past it.

One of the best and healthiest ways to do this is through the help of a mental health professional. Friends and family are great to vent to but can’t always give you the best advice. Their love for you and anger towards your ex creates a bias that doesn’t always work in your fav

 A Divorce Coach is also a wonderful avenue.  We can be used in conjunction with a therapist or by ourselves. Divorce Coaches create a safe, judgment free space for you to express all of your thoughts and emotions and help you come up with a plan to guide you through them one step at a time. Divorce coaches are not mental health professionals. We walk client’s step by step through the recovery process and onto a new path that they can be excited about. As a divorce coach, my goal with every client is to address emotion or aspects of life where they feel stuck and lead them into self-discovery.

Make 2023 a defining year in your life. Reinvent who you are and connect with who you were before. Create goals and moments that can inspire you to keep moving forward. Enlist the help of a therapist or counselor to support you in your recovery.

Divorce Strategies Group offers mediation, divorce financial planning, and divorce coaching. If you’re curious about Divorce Coaching and how it can play a part in the healing process, give us a call. We offer complimentary Discovery Session’s to answer questions and briefly touch on topics that are important to you.

Texas Divorce Mediation

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A Cost Effective and Expeditious Way to Divorce Amicably

Divorce can be hard on both the divorcing parties’ emotions and their wallets.   There is an alternative to traditional divorce litigation which may ease the emotional strain of a divorce and can be more cost effective in comparison to the traditional divorce process. That alternative is mediation. The Texas Bar Association defines mediation as a common dispute resolution method used to facilitate the reaching of an out of court settlement between two parties.

Over the years, mediation has been used increasingly in divorce and custody matters since it permits the parties to make final decisions instead of leaving decisions up to the Texas courts.  It also enables parties to handle their divorce in a private environment and create customized plans which fit their needs, not just boiler plate guidelines from the state.   

There are multiple benefits to mediation over traditional divorce. First, mediation can avoid a bitter contentious court room battle thereby promoting post-divorce harmony between the parties. Second, mediation may make a divorce easier on children of the marriage. Children often suffer emotionally as the result of a contentious divorce. Third, mediation may expedite a settlement agreement which is preferable to prolonged litigation. Fourth, mediation enables the parties to make the final decisions as to property and custody issues rather than leaving them up to a court. Finally, mediation is praised for its cost effectiveness given that the cost of mediation is considerably less than the cost of traditional divorce litigation.

The process

The actual mediator’s role is to be neutral and not represent either party to the divorce. Mediators are not allowed to give legal or financial advice to either party.  A mediator is not acting as a judge nor is the mediator able to dictate any terms to either party.   Instead, the mediator’s role is to encourage the parties to reach an agreement by talking through options, considering the strengths and weaknesses of both parties’ cases, the costs of litigation versus the merits of a settlement, etc.

Mediation is not required to produce an agreement. Indeed, in some instances, the parties simply cannot reach an agreement with each other. In that event, traditional divorce litigation is the only realistic option. If an agreement is reached during mediation, the parties will sign a binding written contract that will be enforceable in the Texas courts.

It is a good idea for the divorcing parties to each have their own attorneys who will be present during the actual mediation. This ensures that the parties’ respective interests will be protected during the process as they will have legal advice provided on every offer and option discussed.

Seeking advice

Some mediators are more active in the process than others depending on their personalities.   At Divorce Strategies Group we play a very active role in the mediation process.  We first meet with both parties to explain the process and confirm both parties are committed to mediation.  Next, we gather a list of financial items which enables us to create a martial inventory for the parties.  We then meet with each party individually walking through the estate matters and potential division options. This also creates an opportunity to discuss what life will look like after the divorce for each individual – how much will you potentially receive in assets? Where will you be financially?  Can you afford to keep the home? What is your tax situation?  While we are not giving tax or financial advice, we are providing information to help you make informed decisions.  We then bring in a family law attorney for each party to discuss children’s issues including a parenting plan and financial issues with your children.   The attorney will also review the estate and potentially offer alternatives or guidance.   Each party will have their own attorney who will act as an advocate for them. While the mediator is a neutral party, your attorney is your advocate in the process providing legal counsel and guidance for you.      

If you are considering a divorce and wonder if mediation is right for you, schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation today with Divorce Strategies Group.  We encourage you and your spouse to attend the consultation to learn about how this process may help you navigate the waters of divorce in a gentler, softer manner.