divorce

Texas Divorce Mediation

December 20, 2022 By Denise French, CVA, MAFF, CDFA, CRPC

A Cost Effective and Expeditious Way to Divorce Amicably

Divorce can be hard on both the divorcing parties’ emotions and their wallets. There is an alternative to traditional divorce litigation which may ease the emotional strain of a divorce and can be more cost effective in comparison to the traditional divorce process. That alternative is mediation. The Texas Bar Association defines mediation as a common dispute resolution method used to facilitate the reaching of an out of court settlement between two parties.

Over the years, mediation has been used increasingly in divorce and custody matters since it permits the parties to make final decisions instead of leaving decisions up to the Texas courts. It also enables parties to handle their divorce in a private environment and create customized plans which fit their needs, not just boiler plate guidelines from the state.

There are multiple benefits to mediation over traditional divorce. First, mediation can avoid a bitter contentious court room battle thereby promoting post-divorce harmony between the parties. Second, mediation may make a divorce easier on children of the marriage. Children often suffer emotionally as the result of a contentious divorce. Third, mediation may expedite a settlement agreement which is preferable to prolonged litigation. Fourth, mediation enables the parties to make the final decisions as to property and custody issues rather than leaving them up to a court. Finally, mediation is praised for its cost effectiveness given that the cost of mediation is considerably less than the cost of traditional divorce litigation.

The process

The actual mediator’s role is to be neutral and not represent either party to the divorce. Mediators are not allowed to give legal or financial advice to either party. A mediator is not acting as a judge nor is the mediator able to dictate any terms to either party. Instead, the mediator’s role is to encourage the parties to reach an agreement by talking through options, considering the strengths and weaknesses of both parties’ cases, the costs of litigation versus the merits of a settlement, etc.

Mediation is not required to produce an agreement. Indeed, in some instances, the parties simply cannot reach an agreement with each other. In that event, traditional divorce litigation is the only realistic option. If an agreement is reached during mediation, the parties will sign a binding written contract that will be enforceable in the Texas courts.

It is a good idea for the divorcing parties to each have their own attorneys who will be present during the actual mediation. This ensures that the parties’ respective interests will be protected during the process as they will have legal advice provided on every offer and option discussed.

Seeking advice

Some mediators are more active in the process than others depending on their personalities. At Divorce Strategies Group we play a very active role in the mediation process. We first meet with both parties to explain the process and confirm both parties are committed to mediation. Next, we gather a list of financial items which enables us to create a martial inventory for the parties. We then meet with each party individually walking through the estate matters and potential division options. This also creates an opportunity to discuss what life will look like after the divorce for each individual – how much will you potentially receive in assets? Where will you be financially? Can you afford to keep the home? What is your tax situation? While we are not giving tax or financial advice, we are providing information to help you make informed decisions. We then bring in a family law attorney for each party to discuss children’s issues including a parenting plan and financial issues with your children. The attorney will also review the estate and potentially offer alternatives or guidance. Each party will have their own attorney who will act as an advocate for them. While the mediator is a neutral party, your attorney is your advocate in the process providing legal counsel and guidance for you.

If you are considering a divorce and wonder if mediation is right for you, schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation today with Divorce Strategies Group. We encourage you and your spouse to attend the consultation to learn about how this process may help you navigate the waters of divorce in a gentler, softer manner.

What is a Divorce Coach and How Can they Help You?

May 6, 2022 By Melissa Provence, CDC, DCC

[Are you waking up at 3:00 AM, feeling overwhelmed and panicked by the uncertainty of your future?

Questions and worries run through your mind? “Can I afford to get divorced?” “How do I tell my spouse our marriage it’s over?” “What about our kids?” “How do I tell them?” “How will I survive?” “Do I have to share my retirement savings?” “Do I need to lawyer up?” “What lawyer do I hire?”

The questioning can be endless and in a attempt to find answers, you start Googling. Taking the first steps in a divorce can be terrifying and overwhelming. In researching, something pops up about “Divorce Coaching.” Like almost everything else related to divorce, this is a new term for you.

What is a Divorce Coach?

A Divorce Coach is a trained mental health professional who shepherds you through your divorce. Divorce Coaches have unique expertise in divorce, co-parenting, parenting planning, child development, the impact of divorce on children, and all other issues related to divorce. Divorce Coaching is not therapy. Instead, coaches specialize in helping you emotionally cope with divorce before, during and after the process.

Is Divorce Coaching Right for Me?

For most people, the prospect of a divorce is an overwhelming life crisis. You need to make big decisions at a time when you are emotionally overloaded. The demands and decisions can be confusing. Divorce can require the time and energy of a full-time job (when a lot of women already have full time jobs and are full time moms). In the process, it can also be exhausting to get through each day especially when you are meeting with your legal team or financial advisors to discuss divorce related issues. You don’t know what steps you need to take, how you can figure it all out, or how long it will take. If this sounds familiar, then a Divorce Coach can help.

How Can a Coach Help?

A Divorce Coach can help you understand one of the first and most important decisions you will have to make. You will need to decide which of the divorce process options available to you will work best for your family: a do-it-yourself divorce, mediation, collaborative law divorce, or litigation. The process you choose will dramatically affect your outcomes and the process.

A Divorce Coach will walk the path with you, through the legal process you have chosen, to provide support and guidance when needed. Divorce coaches also offer post-divorce support, addressing issues like co-parenting, setting up a spending plan, and claiming your new life.

One of the first and most painful things you will have to do is talk to your children about the upcoming changes in your family. A Divorce Coach will help you (and often your spouse) structure and plan for this, telling your children what they need to know. The Coach will help you respond to their questions and concerns in age-appropriate ways.

A Divorce Coach will help you build or strengthen your skills to cope with your emotions, especially at meetings with professionals and your spouse. In addition, your Coach can help you develop and hold you accountable for implementing much needed self-care practices. This is critical as they can help you feel more grounded and help you cope during this time of life changes.

A Divorce Coach will help you begin to envision your life post-divorce, as a single parent and perhaps going back to work. The Coach will help you set goals and keep you accountable for them. This type of planning may influence your divorce negotiations. For example, if you need re-training to enter the workforce, this can be discussed as part of your divorce settlement.

Coaching will help you develop skills for the negotiations, which usually come after the information-gathering stage. With the help of your Coach, you will be clear about what is important to you in the final resolution. Identifying what matters most to you and where you can compromise is critical in divorce negotiations, and a Coach can help you do this with confidence.

Your Coach will help you understand and think through the many decisions you will be asked to make. A coach can help you feel brave, confident, and articulate in expressing what matters to you without being hijacked by emotions. This makes the process more efficient and cost-effective!

A Divorce Coach can help you build a new kind of parenting partnership relationship with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. A Coach can work with you to establish good communication, boundaries, and strategies for dealing with issues that inevitably arise.

A Divorce Coach provides a safe space to emotionally let go, vent, breathe and heal.

How Do I Find a Divorce Coach?

At Divorce Strategies Group we offer complimentary Discovery Sessions to discuss you and your situation. This introductory call with Divorce Coach Melissa Provence allows us to learn about you and pinpoint your immediate needs. Let’s talk!

Ending a marriage? Don’t get divorced from financial reality in the process.

January 11, 2022 By Denise French, CVA, MAFF, CDFA, CRPC

Sound financial planning may be the last thing on your mind when divorcing but it may never be more valuable. A lawyer may be your first call when you decide you want a divorce. A financial advisor knowledgeable about divorce matters should be your second

In many cases, a divorce has more impact on a person’s current and future financial well-being than any other event in their lives. Sound financial planning may be the last thing on your mind when your marriage ends — particularly if it ends in conflict — but it may never be more valuable.

Divorce happens in an emotionally charged environment. While in this state of mind, you are making financial decisions which will affect the rest of your life. It is critical to have a knowledgeable financial advisor on your divorce team walking along side you and your attorney. Financial planners will give you the overview of financial guidance while your attorney will explain the law and guide you with legal decisions.

In general, for everyone except the very wealthy, divorce will hurt your standard of living. Two households are more expensive to maintain than one, and if one person in the marriage has been a stay-at-home parent, there is less income and assets to go around. In addition, unless your marriage was short-lived and is ending amicably, you have no children and little marital assets and income, you should consult both a lawyer and financial advisor.

Online divorces are dirt cheap but a good idea only for very simple circumstances with mutually acceptable terms. Mistakes made in a divorce settlement have long-lasting financial effects.

Five key issues to consider in divorce

1. Mediation versus litigation:

A divorce settlement mediated with a collaborative approach has major advantages over litigation for the divorcing family. It typically costs less and has higher compliance rates than with litigated settlements. It often requires much less time and emotional turmoil.

More importantly, it can save a parent’s ability to co-parent minor children after the divorce. The biggest potential downside is that if the mediation doesn’t work, you’ll end up in court anyway prolonging the ordeal.

2. Budget for the long-term:

A clear understanding of your long-term living expenses is crucial to negotiating support payments and a settlement you can live with. That’s particularly so for parents who retain primary custody of children.

Larger expenses such as tutoring, special needs, extracurricular activities, vehicle purchases and insurance, senior trips and college are among the future expenses which need to be addressed in a settlement. Ideally, child-support payments should be protected by term life insurance.

When you come to the negotiating table, it is critical to think about your expenses not just two to three years after divorce but ten and fifteen years out. The more you can discuss about current and long-term needs — particularly if there are children involved — the better.

3. Watch your assets:

Marital assets are not all created equal. A savings account with $100,000 is worth much more than a joint retirement account that will eventually be taxed or illiquid equity in a home of that amount. Make sure you consider the liquidity and after-tax value of all assets and the different risks that they present.

Holding onto the family home could be a very heavy financial burden. While it may be a source of comfort in a difficult time, it could come back to haunt you. Mothers with custody of children often understandably want to keep the house. Then they come to us, and we walk them through the costs to upkeep the home and a plan to do so, if possible. We also find it valuable to have older homes inspected to uncover are any potential large costs ahead such as termite damage, foundation repair or major plumbing repair.

If there are more complicated marital assets such as private equity, restricted stock, business interests or even cryptocurrency holdings, an advisor is essential to evaluate and advise on those assets.

4. Mind your taxes:

Like everything else in life, divorce settlements have big tax implications. Understanding how different assets and income streams are taxed is crucial to the equitable division of assets.

It is also important to be aware of less obvious items such as pre-paid taxes which may have been paid already out of the marital pot but could be refunded to or used by a former spouse or tax-loss carry forward benefits if a large amount of non-qualified brokerage funds are owned.

5. Update your life:

The key things to address when your divorce settlement becomes final include updating your will, powers of attorney, beneficiaries, and other estate-planning documents to reflect your changed circumstances.

If you have been out of the workplace for an extended period, think about whether you need to return to it and if you need training to help you get back to work. If you need training, it is wise to research how much it will cost and negotiate for that in your divorce. It’s hard telling a stay-at home parent that they should go back to work but in some cases they really should. A person’s largest asset may be their earning capability. It can help you add to your nest egg and enable a better retirement.

A knowledgeable, experienced divorce financial planner can show you where you will be with or without returning to the workforce and if you are working, help you readjust your retirement plan to get back on track.

Divorce Strategies Group, LLC is a full financial planning firm for those engaging in divorce with a forensic accounting arm. We understand the laws as they relate to finance in divorce, and we understand financial planning. In conjunction with our sister firm, French Financial Group, we can help you walk through divorce and emerge with a strong financial plan for your future. Please call us at 281-505-8177 or reach us online to schedule your complimentary consultation today.

Retaining Your Assets in Divorce

June 28, 2021 By Denise French, CVA, MAFF, CDFA, CRPC

After years of working with those going through divorce, we have found individuals with two factors really thrive during divorce. Those who have (1) knowledge of the relevant facts and (2) realistic expectations are the most ‘successful’ in their divorce. Without accurate accounting of your finances, you may find that you cannot afford your life, or you could jeopardize the retirement that you have worked so hard for. Conversely, you may find you have more than enough in assets to maintain your lifestyle, and you are secure financially. With higher-than-realistic expectations you may spend thousands of dollars (or hundreds of thousands) only to find a fair division is 50/50 (or 53/47 but not the 80% you wanted). For those going through a “gray divorce” or spouses who have worked at home, the financial ramifications can be even more significant for either mistake.

Hurt feelings and fear often combat rational thought – which we totally understand – we were the same way. Divorce is scary! With that in mind, we have created 7 tips to help those in divorce walk away with your financial future intact after you go your separate ways.

Budget your Post-Divorce Lifestyle.

Living separately can be scarier than living together – even if you were miserable! To ease the fear, remember knowledge is power. It is imperative to know your monthly income and expenses. This is particularly important if one spouse has been paying the bills and managing the household finances alone.

Figure out your immediate needs and go from there. At Divorce Strategies Group we walk couples through their post-divorce budget early in the divorce process. It is important that clients know realistically what they can spend each month following the divorce. This sets them up for a secure financial future and gives them peace of mind. It can also help you negotiate from a position of power, not fear.

Manage Costs During the Divorce

A typical litigated Texas divorce ranges between roughly $20,000 to $40,000 or more. That is no small chunk of change to most couples. We have been witness to divorces costing $60,000, $80,000 and more (reference unrealistic expectations and lack of knowledge above).

One way to mitigate the financial fallout of divorce is to choose early mediation over litigation. Mediation is a process in which a mediator helps divorcing couples reach an amicable settlement. The mediator facilitates communication between the parties to promote settlement and understanding between them. Mediation addresses child custody, child support, visitation, spousal support, and property division. The mediator does not act as a judge, attorney, or financial advisor, but assists the spouses in reaching a voluntary agreement. At Divorce Strategies Group our Mediation Process involves a team of experts that will work with you and your spouse to negotiate a divorce settlement that won’t break the bank.

The issue many attorneys, rightly so, have with mediation is it is done without guidance of someone who understands the law or someone who understands how finances work relevant to divorce. These are both valid concerns. We have seen couples negotiate a “do it yourself” divorce only to find they owe thousands later due to mistakes or someone lost out of hundreds of thousands because the agreements were not able to be legally completed (such a restricted stock plan) or the property documentation (such as a pension plan) was not completely correctly, thus the agreement is not enforceable.

To make sure you do it right, we include a Family Law Mediator Attorney with a Divorce Financial Expert to provide the right guidance to you the first time. Visit Divorce Strategies Group for more information on our process.

Eradicate Debt

If you have joint debt with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, it is best to pay it off before finalizing the divorce.

Shared debts remain both party’s obligation in the eyes of a lender, even if the divorce settlement says only one spouse is responsible for paying it back. If the responsible spouse fails to make the payments, any defaults will show up on the other spouse’s credit history.

If the debt cannot be paid off pre-divorce and becomes only one spouse’s responsibility, the other should continue to have access to the account’s history to make sure it is being paid as agreed. Better yet, have an attorney create an enforcement action in which you can take over the property or some other property if you are not able to be removed from the debt and your spouse, who was assigned the debt, fails to pay. An attorney can help you make payment of the debt in your name contractual or binding in some other format. Debt in divorce can be tricky It is wise to seek legal and financial guidance if you are dealing with large amount of debt or a significant debt (like a home mortgage).

Kids are Expensive

Kids can cost a lot, especially when you have not budgeted their future needs into the equation. Be sure to consider things like cars, car insurance, private school tuition, day care costs, summer camps, extracurricular activities, and even smaller things like school lunch accounts and back to school shopping. These costs add up over time.

If you have children close to graduating from high school, it is important to be very clear about what each parent is willing to cover in college costs or any other expenses. Another discussion to have is who will cover health care costs for your children after they graduate high school. Who will the insurance fall under, who will pay for it, and how will out-of-pocket costs be covered from the time your child graduates from high school until they are fully on their own as a working adult? Family courts do not cover this time period, but parents sure do, and contractual agreements can be made between the parties regarding this no man’s land of time for older kids needs.

Divorce during Retirement

Gray divorce is defined as divorcing couples who are 50 and older, and they are on the rise. These couples have their own unique situations and needs for the future. There may be annuities, retirement plans and life insurance policies. We have had couples retire during the divorce which also brings a multitude of tax issues.

One way to facilitate a smooth transition after divorce is to hire a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. We work closely with couples during and after divorce to make sure they understand the assets they own, what income can be derived from investments and help them build a firm financial foundation.

Divorce for those over 50 is a critical life situation and likely the biggest financial transaction of your lifetime. Your divorce could determine your lifestyle for the remainder of your years. This is not to scare you, it is just important to have counsel if you are in this situation.

Receiving the Assets You Were Awarded

A common assumption people have during a divorce is they automatically own an asset the court has awarded to them. Just because you were awarded the asset, does not mean you now own it. There is a process to walk through after the divorce to take ownership and control of the property you were awarded weather that property was a home, a brokerage account, a bank account, or a retirement fund. Divorce Strategies Group members can walk you through the steps you need to take to claim the assets you were awarded. This is very important to do as soon as possible so your spouse cannot improperly move or hide funds you were awarded. It is also important to complete the Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO’s) while your attorney is involved as these need to be filed with the courts and all parties (you, your ex-spouse and your attorneys as well as the judge) need to sign it.

Plan for Peace of Mind

The goal we have for all our clients at Divorce Strategies Group is financial peace of mind. When working with us, you will know what bills you need to pay every month and how much of your disposable income you can spend. You can spend your money in freedom because you know you have a plan for your budget, taxes, and investing. We can also help you adjust your financial plan if you experience new significant life changes.

Planning and budgeting are not fun concepts, but the fruits of these labors can provide a lot of fun (and security) in your future!!

Schedule a complimentary consultation with Divorce Strategies Group today. No matter what phase of the process you are in – just starting, in the midst of divorce and have financial questions or wrapping it up and looking ahead toward your future. We are here to help you thrive after divorce and move on to the next phase with confidence, strength and hope.

Divorce Noise

January 10, 2021 By Denise French, CVA, MAFF, CDFA, CRPC

Over the years I have been doing divorce financial advising, I’ve learned so much from women just like you. It’s so normal for us to ask questions and want information from those who have already been through this overwhelming time in our lives.

I remember talking with my friends (many of whom had been divorced) and wanting them to understand how my experiences left me feeling afraid and alone. I wanted to compare my story to theirs. I wanted to not feel so alone. After so many calls and conversations, I’ve made lists and lists of what I’ve heard being said and I want to share some key takeaways with you. I hope it will help you “cut through the divorce noise.”

1. You don’t need to listen to people who don’t know what’s best for you.

Some well-meaning friends and family want you to quit worrying about everything you’ve got on your mind and “just get back out there.” If you’re not ready, then take it easy. You’ll be ready when you’re ready. There’s a huge, new world waiting for you when you’re ready!

2. Try to separate the emotional part of your journey from the business of divorce.

There are so many ups and downs and it’s important that you have emotional support so that you have a safe place to deal with all of the feelings you’re experiencing. That is the value of a coach or therapist.

3. One of the biggest issues women tell me is that they’re afraid.

Honestly, who isn’t afraid? It means you’re human, but it doesn’t mean you’re not going to be OK. Your fear can actually move you forward and push you to learn new things that you never dreamed you could learn.

4. Feeling lonely isn’t the same as being alone.

The reason some women don’t want to divorce is because they’re afraid of being alone. But the truth is that so many of us were lonely in our marriages! When I talk with women who are divorced, they actually like being alone and just being able to do whatever they want whenever they want!

5. Wanting to find all the answers online.

Many women tell me they are getting all their information online. While I do suggest you read about different options for divorce, for example, I don’t recommend you keep digging deeper and deeper trying to find the answers to all of your concerns. Again, that is where you can get in trouble with inaccurate information. It can lead you to doubt and waste time questioning what is true and correct in this process.

6. If you’re feeling so tired, hurt, and damaged emotionally right now, I’ve learned that so many of you are going to find love again!

Even if you’re not even interested right now, after you’ve worked on the role you may have played in the divorce, it may surprised to find that you’re interested in something new and healthier. It’s human nature to want connection with others. So give yourself time to figure out who you want to show up as now on a deeper level and you will attract what you need.

Don’t Give Up

I want you to know you’re not alone and we all have worries and fears. If I had to summarize what I’ve learned through the “divorce noise” is that we all struggle. But there is light at the end of the tunnel – it just can be a long tunnel and the light can seem so far away, but don’t give up.

And if you would more support and want to speak with one of our team members here at Divorce Strategies Group, please schedule your 30 minute complimentary consultation today.

Ten Financial Pitfalls for Women in Divorce

January 4, 2021 By Denise French, CVA, MAFF, CDFA, CRPC

During divorce, many women are concerned about financial survival—and with good reason. Studies show after divorce, the wife’s standard of living may drop almost 73% while the husbands may increase by as much as 42%. Many factors combine to lower a women’s standard of living after divorce. Child support may not be adequate to cover the true costs of child rearing, and she might have lost many important years of career growth, making it difficult for her to get back on her feet after divorce. By familiarizing yourself with the ten financial pitfalls of divorce for women, you can save yourself a lot of heartbreak and hassle in the future.

1. Believing you cannot afford an experienced attorney

Divorces are expensive. There is no doubt. The fees involved for a regular divorce with a qualified attorney are expensive – attorney fees, therapist bills, new living expenses and other advisor fees. Further, the funds previously used to support one household must now stretch to support two. If you are contemplating divorce, now is the time to begin amassing the funds you’ll need to stay afloat. Think of a divorce as a long term financial cost and plan accordingly before you file or when you first start to believe you spouse may be checking out of the marriage.

If you are not able to save cash for the divorce process, you still have the ability to hire good support for yourself. You can open a credit card in your name alone, while you are married, and use the marital income to qualify for a card. That card can be used for divorce related costs and at the end of the divorce, it is placed on the marital inventory as a debt of the marriage. You have power!! Contact Divorce Strategies Group on this topic and we will walk you through what to do.

2. Bad timing

Divorce is a marathon event which requires careful preparation. Before you act on the divorce, consult with legal and financial professionals, and read about the subject. Also, think about where you are in life. Did you or your spouse just start a business? Are you or your spouse just about to go back to school for a graduate degree and amass student debt? Life stages like this may cause you to pause on the divorce or act quickly before major community debt amasses. If you’ve been married eight years or just hit the nine year mark and your spouse is the major breadwinner, you might want to stick it out a little while longer before you file for divorce. In order to collect on your ex-spouse’s social security you must be married for at least 10 years from the date of marriage to the actual date of divorce. Finally, don’t just pack up and drive away in a car needing major repairs with old clothes on and kids who need braces. Fix what you need fixed, buy what you want to buy and get your kids situated with what they need before you leave, as much as possible.

3. No records

The three most important words during divorce are: document, document, document. Try to obtain copies of all financial records before your divorce begins. Make a clear copy of all tax returns, loan applications, wills, trusts, financial statements, banking information, brokerage statements, loan documents, credit card statements, deeds to real property, car registration, insurance inventories, and insurance policies. Also, copy records you can use to trace your separate property, such as an inheritance or gifts from your family. The corpus and the capital appreciation of these assets should remain your separate property as long as you can document them. Copies of your spouse’s business records can be a treasure map illustrating where hidden assets, if any, are buried.

4. Overlooking assets

Texas is a community property state. That means every dollar earned during the marriage belongs equally to each spouse. It matters not that the income went into your bank account, a business, a 401k or a second home – those funds belong to each spouse. Half of everything is yours! Even if you don’t want an asset, it can be used to trade for something you do want. Inventory safe deposit boxes; track down bank and brokerage accounts; keep pay stubs, retirement plans, and insurance policies. Don’t overlook hobbies or side businesses that might have expensive equipment or generate income.

5. Ignoring tax consequences

Tax consequences are one of the most overlooked or forgotten issues in divorce finance. Most financial decisions have tax ramifications. Should you take the brokerage account or the retirement plan? Should you keep the house or sell it now? Don’t ignore the hidden tax costs of divorce in making these decisions. Your situation may require some calculation by an accountant or divorce financial planner to determine if you are really getting the best deal. And, if there is a chance your past joint tax returns omitted income or overstated deductions, you may want to seek an indemnification clause to protect yourself if the IRS decides to audit.

6. Thinking ignorance is bliss

During divorce ignorance is not bliss, it’s expensive. As painful as it may be, diving in and participating in the process can help you recover more quickly from the divorce because you will have a healthy sense of control over the process, be focused on practical things, and be working with your ex to get things done. Also, taking an active role in the negotiations can help you achieve a better settlement. You will also likely have less conflict and litigation after the divorce, better compliance from your ex, and better sharing of information about the children. Your attorney will give you valuable legal advice which should weigh heavily into your decision making process, but all of the decisions are ultimately up to you.

7. Mixing money and emotion

This is really tough for women who were hurt during the divorce, however, it is crucial. Try to think of this from an unemotional, business like perspective. This is likely the largest business transaction you will make in your life – treat it as such. View your attorney as a paid professional rather than a friend or confidante. When your grief is overwhelming, go to a friend or support group, not to your attorney, who is billing you at his or her normal hourly rate. In addition, revenge is not helpful in long term planning and financial negotiations. It will not make you happy to declare war on your ex – it will likely just make you broke. Making the effort to bring the divorce to a successful conclusion with as little rancor as possible can help you financially today and in the future.

8. Not fighting for what’s legitimately yours

Divorce negotiations are not only about survival; they are about molding your long term financial future. It’s important to not let wanting to please others or look like “the good girl” get in the way of taking what is legitimately due you. You have to insist on getting what you legally deserve. Even if you hope you will eventually be able to reconcile with your ex, it is not guaranteed (you are getting divorced after all). Letting him keep all of his 401k because he’s worked so hard could put you in the poor house when you are older while he enjoys a great life. No matter your feelings, stand up for yourself and get your legal share. If you reconcile, that’s fine. If you don’t, you’ll still be able to take care of yourself financially. Taking what is rightfully yours (50% at least) is not being greedy, it is protecting your future and honoring your own value as a human being. No matter what your spouse says, you are worth it!

9. Taking the payment overtime versus the lump sum

Receiving a guaranteed, monthly, court ordered income sounds great doesn’t it? Yes, but what if your spouse loses his job? Becomes disabled? Quits his job and moves overseas to work? What if he just stops paying? What if his industry goes through 2 years of consolidation and he is laid off time and time again? What if he starts his own business? We feel like getting a lump sum is much better than a series of payments – court ordered or not. If he stops paying the court ordered support, guess what you have to do to get him to pay it again? Yes, go back to court. At some point, those court costs can be more than what you would get from him in the first place. Take the up-front money instead of the income when given a choice. You can create your own income stream for that lump sum payment or use it for other financial needs in the future.

10. Not getting good professional advice

Right now, you need all the help you can get! Divorce can be very complicated, so don’t try to do it all yourself. Hire an attorney who can give you excellent advice—even if he or she is expensive. Engage a divorce financial advisor to help you make wise financial decisions and create a roadmap for your future. Find a good therapist to help you emotionally. Don’t skimp now on matters which will affect the rest of your life.

Schedule a 30 minute complimentary consultation today to discuss your specific situation or call us at 281-505-8177 to discuss your concerns.