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Divorce Strategies Group

Denise French

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What is a Divorce Coach and How Can they Help You?

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[Are you waking up at 3:00 AM, feeling overwhelmed and panicked by the uncertainty of your future?

Questions and worries run through your mind? “Can I afford to get divorced?” “How do I tell my spouse our marriage it’s over?” “What about our kids?” “How do I tell them?” “How will I survive?” “Do I have to share my retirement savings?” “Do I need to lawyer up?” “What lawyer do I hire?”

The questioning can be endless and in a attempt to find answers, you start Googling. Taking the first steps in a divorce can be terrifying and overwhelming. In researching, something pops up about “Divorce Coaching.” Like almost everything else related to divorce, this is a new term for you.

What is a Divorce Coach?

A Divorce Coach is a trained mental health professional who shepherds you through your divorce. Divorce Coaches have unique expertise in divorce, co-parenting, parenting planning, child development, the impact of divorce on children, and all other issues related to divorce. Divorce Coaching is not therapy. Instead, coaches specialize in helping you emotionally cope with divorce before, during and after the process.

Is Divorce Coaching Right for Me?

For most people, the prospect of a divorce is an overwhelming life crisis. You need to make big decisions at a time when you are emotionally overloaded. The demands and decisions can be confusing. Divorce can require the time and energy of a full-time job (when a lot of women already have full time jobs and are full time moms).   In the process, it can also be exhausting to get through each day especially when you are meeting with your legal team or financial advisors to discuss divorce related issues.  You don’t know what steps you need to take, how you can figure it all out, or how long it will take. If this sounds familiar, then a Divorce Coach can help. 

How Can a Coach Help?

A Divorce Coach can help you understand one of the first and most important decisions you will have to make. You will need to decide which of the divorce process options available to you will work best for your family: a do-it-yourself divorce, mediation, collaborative law divorce, or litigation. The process you choose will dramatically affect your outcomes and the process.

A Divorce Coach will walk the path with you, through the legal process you have chosen, to provide support and guidance when needed. Divorce coaches also offer post-divorce support, addressing issues like co-parenting, setting up a spending plan, and claiming your new life.

One of the first and most painful things you will have to do is talk to your children about the upcoming changes in your family. A Divorce Coach will help you (and often your spouse) structure and plan for this, telling your children what they need to know. The Coach will help you respond to their questions and concerns in age-appropriate ways.

A Divorce Coach will help you build or strengthen your skills to cope with your emotions, especially at meetings with professionals and your spouse. In addition, your Coach can help you develop and hold you accountable for implementing much needed self-care practices.  This is critical as they can help you feel more grounded and help you cope during this time of life changes.

A Divorce Coach will help you begin to envision your life post-divorce, as a single parent and perhaps going back to work. The Coach will help you set goals and keep you accountable for them. This type of planning may influence your divorce negotiations. For example, if you need re-training to enter the workforce, this can be discussed as part of your divorce settlement.

Coaching will help you develop skills for the negotiations, which usually come after the information-gathering stage. With the help of your Coach, you will be clear about what is important to you in the final resolution. Identifying what matters most to you and where you can compromise is critical in divorce negotiations, and a Coach can help you do this with confidence.

Your Coach will help you understand and think through the many decisions you will be asked to make. A coach can help you feel brave, confident, and articulate in expressing what matters to you without being hijacked by emotions. This makes the process more efficient and cost-effective!

A Divorce Coach can help you build a new kind of parenting partnership relationship with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. A Coach can work with you to establish good communication, boundaries, and strategies for dealing with issues that inevitably arise.

A Divorce Coach provides a safe space to emotionally let go, vent, breathe and heal.

How Do I Find a Divorce Coach?

At Divorce Strategies Group we offer complimentary Discovery Sessions to discuss you and your situation. This introductory call with Divorce Coach Melissa Provence allows us to learn about you and pinpoint your immediate needs. Let’s talk!

Ending a marriage? Don’t get divorced from financial reality in the process.

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Sound financial planning may be the last thing on your mind when divorcing but it may never be more valuable.  A lawyer may be your first call when you decide you want a divorce.  A financial advisor knowledgeable about divorce matters should be your second

In many cases, a divorce has more impact on a person’s current and future financial well-being than any other event in their lives. Sound financial planning may be the last thing on your mind when your marriage ends — particularly if it ends in conflict — but it may never be more valuable.

Divorce happens in an emotionally charged environment.  While in this state of mind, you are making financial decisions which will affect the rest of your life.  It is critical to have a knowledgeable financial advisor on your divorce team walking along side you and your attorney.  Financial planners will give you the overview of financial guidance while your attorney will explain the law and guide you with legal decisions.

In general, for everyone except the very wealthy, divorce will hurt your standard of living. Two households are more expensive to maintain than one, and if one person in the marriage has been a stay-at-home parent, there is less income and assets to go around.  In addition, unless your marriage was short-lived and is ending amicably, you have no children and little marital assets and income, you should consult both a lawyer and financial advisor.

Online divorces are dirt cheap but a good idea only for very simple circumstances with mutually acceptable terms. Mistakes made in a divorce settlement have long-lasting financial effects.

Five key issues to consider in divorce

1. Mediation versus litigation:

A divorce settlement mediated with a collaborative approach has major advantages over litigation for the divorcing family. It typically costs less and has higher compliance rates than with litigated settlements. It often requires much less time and emotional turmoil.

More importantly, it can save a parent’s ability to co-parent minor children after the divorce.  The biggest potential downside is that if the mediation doesn’t work, you’ll end up in court anyway prolonging the ordeal.

2. Budget for the long-term:

A clear understanding of your long-term living expenses is crucial to negotiating support payments and a settlement you can live with. That’s particularly so for parents who retain primary custody of children.

Larger expenses such as tutoring, special needs, extracurricular activities, vehicle purchases and insurance, senior trips and college are among the future expenses which need to be addressed in a settlement. Ideally, child-support payments should be protected by term life insurance.

When you come to the negotiating table, it is critical to think about your expenses not just two to three years after divorce but ten and fifteen years out. The more you can discuss about current and long-term needs — particularly if there are children involved — the better.

3. Watch your assets:

Marital assets are not all created equal. A savings account with $100,000 is worth much more than a joint retirement account that will eventually be taxed or illiquid equity in a home of that amount. Make sure you consider the liquidity and after-tax value of all assets and the different risks that they present.

Holding onto the family home could be a very heavy financial burden. While it may be a source of comfort in a difficult time, it could come back to haunt you.  Mothers with custody of children often understandably want to keep the house. Then they come to us, and we walk them through the costs to upkeep the home and a plan to do so, if possible.   We also find it valuable to have older homes inspected to uncover are any potential large costs ahead such as termite damage, foundation repair or major plumbing repair.

If there are more complicated marital assets such as private equity, restricted stock, business interests or even cryptocurrency holdings, an advisor is essential to evaluate and advise on those assets.

4. Mind your taxes:

Like everything else in life, divorce settlements have big tax implications. Understanding how different assets and income streams are taxed is crucial to the equitable division of assets.

It is also important to be aware of less obvious items such as pre-paid taxes which may have been paid already out of the marital pot but could be refunded to or used by a former spouse or tax-loss carry forward benefits if a large amount of non-qualified brokerage funds are owned.

5. Update your life:

The key things to address when your divorce settlement becomes final include updating your will, powers of attorney, beneficiaries, and other estate-planning documents to reflect your changed circumstances.

If you have been out of the workplace for an extended period, think about whether you need to return to it and if you need training to help you get back to work.  If you need training, it is wise to research how much it will cost and negotiate for that in your divorce.  It’s hard telling a stay-at home parent that they should go back to work but in some cases they really should. A person’s largest asset may be their earning capability.  It can help you add to your nest egg and enable a better retirement.

A knowledgeable, experienced divorce financial planner can show you where you will be with or without returning to the workforce and if you are working, help you readjust your retirement plan to get back on track.

Divorce Strategies Group, LLC is a full financial planning firm for those engaging in divorce with a forensic accounting arm.  We understand the laws as they relate to finance in divorce, and we understand financial planning.  In conjunction with our sister firm, French Financial Group, we can help you walk through divorce and emerge with a strong financial plan for your future.   Please call us at 281-505-8177 or reach us online to schedule your complimentary consultation today.

Health Plans – Open Enrollment & Divorce

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If you work for a company which offers health insurance you probably already know about open enrollment.    Updates you choose during this time period will determine your health, dental and vision insurance for the upcoming year and your tax savings in deductible plans like Health Savings Accounts (HSA’s).   While the timing of open enrollment can vary with different employers, open enrollment is generally the period between November and mid-December.  During this time you are able to make changes to your health insurance plans without a major life change.  You can choose to renew your participation in your company’s current insurance plans, switch to a different one, and make changes to participants on your plan for the upcoming year.  Even though it can be tempting to select the plan you had last year so you don’t have to put in much effort, I’d encourage you to pause for a moment and consider if that’s really the best option from a benefits, tax, and budgetary viewpoint.

It Is important to remember if you are still in the midst of divorce, you will likely need to add your current spouse on your health coverage during open enrollment elections for the new year.  If you are under temporary orders (which you likely are) do NOT remove your current spouse from your health coverage right now for the next year.    You can remove your spouse from your health insurance coverage in the new year after your divorce is final as that will count as a major life change.

While you will keep your spouse on your current coverage, it’s important to look at your coverage options and make sure you have the right one for you. After you divorce is final in the new year (or the end of this year), you will remove your spouse from your coverage and this will be your plan for the rest of the year.  Are the deductibles proper for you?  Are you eligible and participating in the HSA? Is this the right plan considering minor children you will have on your plan?  This and other issues are important to consider.

1. Evaluate Life Changes

The amount of coverage you need plays a big role here, especially if you previously covered dependents and/or your spouse and no longer need to or vice versa.  Some other life changes in addition to divorce could make a difference in the plan you choose during open enrollment include births, deaths and medical issues.

2. Review Beneficiaries

Open enrollment time is a good opportunity to revisit the beneficiaries on your accounts.  For example, if you have group life insurance, you may still have your ex-spouse as the beneficiary.  Once the divorce is final you will need to remove your ex-spouse from the beneficiary designation unless you want your ex-spouse to be the beneficiary, and in that case you will need to re-assign that person as the beneficiary after the divorce is final.  Your ex-spouse will be skipped over on a life insurance policy payout unless they are specifically designated in a divorce decree and/or you rename them as beneficiary on the policy after the divorce is final.

We encourage you NOT to list minor children as beneficiaries on an anything.  Minor’s cannot receive payouts without a court appearance and a guardian. Guess who will be the guardian for your children if you pass while they are minors?  It will be your co-parent or ex-spouse unless they predecease you.  If you want to leave the proceeds to your children you will want to create a testamentary trust (included in your will usually and what I have personally) or a revocable or an irrevocable trust.     All of these involve a trip to an estate planning attorneys office which we highly recommend after the divorce is final.

For now, while the divorce is still pending, list your spouse as beneficiary. You are likely under temporary orders to do so. After the divorce is final it’s time to do some estate planning and likely change the beneficiary.

3. Understand the Benefits of the Plans You Select versus Your Needs

This is a great time to make sure you’re getting the coverage you need and you’re maxing out the tax savings from it.   Take the time to review what’s included in your plans, any tax credits or benefits you’re eligible for, and options outside of your employer-provided plans.  That way, you know you’ll actually use everything you’re paying for.  The reality is, it comes down to saving money and being tax-efficient, especially with an HSA.

Another big issue we see with divorcing couples is the deductible and the corresponding out of pocket costs.  You may have a fight on your hands (and undue stress from such a fight for you and your children) if your spouse is living paycheck to paycheck and you opt for a plan with a huge deductible.  Paying hundreds of dollars to meet the deductible for a simple sick visit to the pediatrician may not go well for an ex-spouse on a limited income or at least be an issue to address while you are in divorce proceedings.  Conversely, if there is a large surgery to pay for or a medical issue to be dealt with which is known for the upcoming year, it’s wise to perform a cost analysis on how much it will cost you to have this covered at a higher percent even with a large deductible versus a lower percent of coverage with a lower deductible.

Medical costs can be an enormous part of the annual budget.  The good news is you have coverage and choices, the bad news is sometimes those choices, especially in the midst of a divorce, can be overwhelming.   To make sure you’re getting the biggest benefit, tax savings, and coverage you and your family actually need, talk to a trained consultant who can guide you through the process.

If you’d like me to help you with health care selections during open enrollment season or any other financial related issues, I’ve opened up more Divorce Strategy Sessions on my calendar in late October and early November for those who are not current clients and want some extra help with financial related issues.   In my Divorce Strategy Sessions, we will discuss your needs, your options and your budget so you can make the best choices for you and your future!!  Click here to learn more about Strategy Calls and schedule yours today!

 

Dividing Annuity Assets in Divorce

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Dividing community property, or property jointly owned by a married couple, can often be a complicated process, with your financial options dictated by potential tax implications. While some things may be easy to divide, others are not. Some belongings are sentimental, while others — such as annuities — involve complicated financial calculations. Annuities not only involve moving ownership from one person to the other or joint title to single title, they often also involve moving or potentially deleting critical living benefits, guarantees and/or death benefits as well as surrender penalties on top of potential tax liabilities. That is a lot! Annuities in divorce are complex to say the least. We will attempt to unravel the complexities of annuities as they relate to divorce or at least guide you on what questions to ask.

Annuity Phase

While there are multiple types of annuities (fixed, fixed index, variable, immediate and deferred) all types of annuities are typically in either the accumulation phase or the distribution phase. The different phases will determine how value and divide the annuity in a divorce situation.

Accumulation Phase

If an annuity is in the accumulation phase, it is growing. The annuity may be growing by a simple fixed rate – aka a fixed annuity or by a variety of factors in the fixed index or variable space. The key take-away is there is only growth in this phase. Income has not yet started. This is a critical factor in divorce negotiations. In the accumulation phase the annuity can have three main parts – the actual cash value, the guaranteed benefit amount and the death benefit.

Cash Value

This is the actual cash value. This is real money and should be the value on the marital inventory. This value may have a surrender charge affiliated with it which should also be reflected on the marital inventory. If you do not see a surrender charge on the statement, it is wise to call the carrier and confirm no surrender fee exists. Also, if the contract is still under surrender charge penalties, ask the carrier if they will waive the surrender charge in the case of a divorce where the account is divided between the spouses. We have found quite often they do not waive any fees even though the division is pursuant to a divorce.

Guaranteed Value or Living Benefit Amount

In the accumulation phase, this is the living benefit amount. Many contracts offer a certain amount of guaranteed growth for future income. For example, some annuities may guarantee 7% growth, compounded annually with possibly even a high-water mark (meaning the annuity will capture the highest day of market gains in the annuity contract that year plus add the 7% guaranteed growth on top of this value). Sound too good to be true? What is the catch? This amount is not real money – it cannot be withdrawal in a lump sum. It is the value for which a future income stream is derived. In our same example, let’s say the contract grows by 7% guaranteed compounded annually, and when the client is age 65 a 5% income stream can be taken, guaranteed for life off the 7% compounded number. (In some cases, the income stream will also double for long term care needs for a certain amount of time.) In divorce, the guaranteed amount is often erased if the annuity is divided. This can cost the overall estate hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Know if there is a living benefit and if so, what happens if the annuity is divided between the spouses? The living benefit number is often quite higher than the actual account value, but this is not the number to be listed on the marital inventory. It is a phantom number used to derive a set amount of income at a future date. However, because there is an account value it is the actual cash value which is listed on the estate spreadsheet. The annuities are designed to deplete the cash value over time when the income begins if you live long enough, so this number is not listed on the inventory when the annuity is still in the accumulation phase.

Death Benefit

Sometimes annuities have stand alone death benefits or death benefits attached to the living benefits. This means a certain amount is guaranteed at the death of the annuitant. In some cases, the death benefit is the reason an annuity is sold as life insurance was not an option or was too expensive. It is important to know if an enhanced death benefit exists and if so, know this and other relevant facts. Who is the annuitant? What is the death benefit exactly? What happens in the case of divorce if the contract is divided or moved to the non-annuitant spouse? Now that the couples are divorcing, is the death benefit still relevant or should other options be considered? The death benefit should be on the latest annuity contract statement. However, it is not listed as an asset on the marital inventory as it will only be pain in the event of the annuitant’s death.

Income Phase

If an annuity is in the income phase, it is in distribution. The distribution may be a systematic withdrawal stream on a guaranteed basis, a systematic withdrawal on a non-guaranteed basis or annuitized. This set of facts is vital to know in the case of a divorce.

Systematic Withdrawal – Guaranteed Basis

This should be the most common situation with an annuity. The income from the living benefit has been triggered. In the example above, the 5% income stream at age 65 has begun off the 7% compounded annual growth the annuity provided. If this is the case, the annuity may not be divisible without significantly hurting the amount of income the annuity provides on a guaranteed basis. Contact the carrier to determine how, if at all, the annuity can be divided, and the income stream kept intact. The income stream however may be divisible. The division of this works much like a pension on the estate spreadsheet where a net present value of the future income stream is calculated, and this is the number on the marital inventory.

You can also forego a net present value calculation of the income on the marital inventory and split the income 50/50. We recommend contacting the annuity carrier to determine if division can occur at the carrier level so there is little, if any, interaction between the parties. You will also want to ask the annuity carrier what happens if the annuitant dies. The wife may not receive any payout if the annuity is based only on the husband’s life and he dies or vice versa. Some payouts are based on joint life and some are on single life which were determined at the income stream’s inception. It is vital to understand what happens in the event of one spouse’s death.

Systematic Withdrawal – Nonguaranteed Basis

If this is the case, you can likely divide this annuity. It may not be attached to a living benefit guarantee. This is the least likely to exists and rarely seen, but it is a possibility. It is important to call the carrier and determine your options if this set of facts exists with your annuity. The issue will be mainly surrender charge penalties when this annuity is divided if it is still in the penalty period. We would also ask if there are any issues with the annuitant – is it joint annuitant or single annuitant and will this be possible if you change to the spouse who wants the asset or if you divide the contract in half.

Annuitized

If this is the case, the annuity cash value no longer exists – it is only an income stream. Older contracts typically have this. Most newer contracts do not require annuitization because the contract corpus is gone – it belongs to the annuity company. The valuation of this is now just like the valuation of a pension plan. The carrier may have the income based on joint life or single life. They may divide the income in half but when one spouse dies, the income stream may cease for all. The carrier must be contacted to determine what happens at the death of the owner and/or the death of the annuitant. These facts are important to know as they relate to the income stream after one spouse dies. If you do not want to divide the income, one can calculate a Net Present Value of the future income stream as one would a pension and this number should be indicated on the marital inventory as an asset to be offset with other assets.

Owners and Annuitants

Aside from the issues we stated above in valuing and dividing annuities in the accumulation and the income phases, the named owner and named annuitant could alter the course of the annuity division. It is vital to know who the owner is and who the annuitant is (they may not be the same). These set of facts may determine what happens to the contract when this is divided to the non-owner and/or non-annuitant. Some contracts are jointly owned the with joint annuitants or jointly owned with single annuitants – and each carrier can handle dividing these differently. A simple call to the carrier and a discussion with a member of client services advanced team should straighten out these issues, we just want you to know what to ask for.

Summary

We highly encourage you to reach out to a professional who not only understands annuities, but also understands divorce laws in your area. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst is the perfect person to have on your team if you or your spouse own an annuity and you are walking through a divorce. We at Divorce Strategies Group understand annuities and divorce finance and can help as well. Contact us for your 30-minute free consultation today.

What does Divorce Mediation Involve?

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In Texas, divorce mediation is a confidential process where a neutral third person (the mediator) helps divorcing couples reach a divorce settlement. The mediator facilitates communication between the parties to promote settlement and understanding between them. Mediation addresses child custody, child support, visitation, spousal support, and property division. The mediator does not act as a judge, attorney, or financial advisor, but assists the spouses in reaching a voluntary agreement.

Denise French founded Divorce Strategies Group, LLC in 2014 and since that time we have continuously guided clients through the divorce and mediation process. We believe mediation is an excellent tool for divorcing couples, especially when there are contentious issues. Our goal is to help you reach a satisfactory agreement with your spouse, without having to endure a lengthy, costly trial.  Save time! Save money! Get on with your life.

How does Mediation work in a Texas Divorce?

The goal of mediation is to work through all the issues of your estate and the issues with minor children. An attempt at mediation is strongly recommended and often even required in many Texas counties.  In mediation, you will most likely be in separate rooms while your mediator(s) walk in between the rooms.  Sometimes, the parties will be in the same room, if they wish to be and it is productive.  Without minor children, expect to mediate for a half day. When minor children’s issues are involved, expect to spend an entire day in mediation.  At the end of mediation if agreements have been reached a binding, legal document called a Mediated Settlement Agreement or MSA will be signed by everyone.  This document is irrevocable and binds your agreements legally.  The fight is, in essence, over at this point which typically brings much peace and relief.  The MSA is also a tool used to push your agreements through the court system as a judge cannot typically overturn a property drafted MSA.

After the MSA is completed a divorce decree will be drafted by an attorney which reflects the agreements you made in mediation. The divorce decree (which you will review and also need to sign) along with the MSA are presented to the judge in court (or remotely due to COVID-19) and used to finalize your divorce.    The mediation document is usually 6 – 10 pages long while your actual divorce decree is 30 – 50 pages long.

Why Should I Use Mediation to Settle our Divorce Conflict?

  • Mediation is flexible – While we have a process, we acknowledge every family and every divorce is different.
  • Mediation is future oriented – We are going to focus on where you are headed, not where you have been. Everyone in divorce has some type of pain or fear. We understand and we are happy to listen and help you heal. However, in mediation we will focus on the future.
  • Mediation works – Mediation has a high success rate, especially when both spouses are open to compromise.
  • Your information is protected – Mediation is confidential.
  • You and your spouse are in control of the outcome – Your future in not the hands of a judge hearing only a tiny fraction of your life story.

What sets our firm apart?

The founder of Divorce Strategies Group, LLC, Denise French, has been divorced herself and understands what you are going through!  Her divorce was costly and long.  Sadly, it was also damaging to her family, her finances and her children.  She strives to help litigants avoid the heartache her family endured.  This is personal for her.  Denise is not a lawyer.  She is a financial expert in litigation and fully understands divorce finance in Texas.

Denise works alongside several family law attorney mediators.  These mediators, along with Denise, will walk you through every aspect of your child issues and your financial issues to help you achieve a win-win solution for your family.  Our partner attorney mediators are Denise Khoury of Guajardo, Khoury Family Law and Manny Caiati of Caiati Law & Mediation.

Denise is a Credentialed Advanced Mediator through the Texas Mediator Credentialing Association with hundreds of cases both as a mediator and as a financial expert in mediation.

The decisions you make in mediation will have lasting, lifelong ramifications for your children and/or your lifestyle and financial wellbeing. We have a proven, 7 step process which involves the help of a financial expert and a family lawyer – both of whom are also mediators. Together, this is a place where you can work through all the child custody issues as well as the financial issues without the fight in court and with proper guidance.

Contact Divorce Strategies Group today!

Before you contact a divorce lawyer, call us.  Need more information about divorce and mediation? We invite you to contact our office for a complimentary consultation. We are here to help you in every way possible!

Good Things Can Come From Divorce

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Let’s face it. Change is tough for many people and divorce changes just about every facet of your life.  Divorce can often test one’s ability to handle change to an extreme.   Some people struggle more than others with change. They fight it, avoid it, fear it, and sometimes feel guilty about it. These notions would make anyone want to keep things as normalized as possible. One would think only adrenaline junkies and dysfunctional people would want to disrupt what could be a perfectly normal situation.   However, change can be very positive and powerful, especially if you have been in an unhappy or abusive marriage.   Here are five truths in my life I’ve experienced with change.  Hopefully this will help readers cope with their own life changes.

1. Change is inevitable

While divorce may not be inevitable, relationships will evolve. Whether you cling to what you have or long for something more, change is unavoidable. Nothing can or will stay the same. You have power when it comes to change. Your actions or reactions to change will determine how positive or negative the change is. Get comfortable with the notion of change as part of the evolution of life and stop resisting.

My divorce meant not only losing a spouse, but losing his entire family, the life I had envisioned and dreams I had of being a stay at home mom.  Oddly, I have a relationship with my ex-spouses family today.  It’s different than it was, but it’s good.  I also had the chance to be a “stay at home” mom for a year, and I found I really didn’t like it.   I love to work and I’m a better mom because of it.  I own two businesses today which I never would have had the chance to own if I had stayed in my marriage – he would not have given me the freedom to explore these opportunities.  What was the absolutely worst thing in 2007 is a gift today.

2. Change helps your brain stay healthy

Science suggest our brains need new and varied problems to work on. When our minds aren’t working out problems, solving mysteries, or figuring things out we can become weak. Change is one of the best ways to keep our brains healthy. This means our lifespan will be healthier, and our mind will not be as susceptible to diseases like dementia. It’s good for your brain to embrace the change in your life as a puzzle you can solve.

I certainly fought the divorce in the beginning, and I went through the stages of grief for at least a year if not longer.  No doubt, there was a grieving process to walk through.  However, my divorce also brought about new changes which were fun and unexpected, like meeting new friends and having a fun, loving social environment.  I was also able to thrive with my career after the divorce which meant learning a lot of new things and experiencing new challenges.  When I was no longer subject to emotional abuse I was able to really thrive and grow.

3. Change creates maturity

Sometimes change comes with a price tag. Sometimes change comes with a penalty. Sometimes change requires risk, and sometimes change is forced on us. No matter how change occurs, it causes us to grow. From learning we are tougher than we realized and having to do some difficult things – change creates maturity.

When my divorce was over I made a list of gifts.  To my suprise, I had three pages of small, single spaced gifts.  Many of them had to do with personal strength and fortitude.  I’m so much stronger today.  While I certainly would not have chosen this path voluntarily, I’m so grateful today for it.

4. Change teaches you to overcome fear and anxiety

Whether stepping out towards change in doubt or being pushed into the unknown without your consent, change can be scary. The devil we know is easier to manage than the one we don’t. Once the fears are faced, they are often scarier in theory than reality. Change teaches you to overcome fear and anxiety as you learn new coping skills or how to talk yourself through fear.

I was a single mom of a 2 year old child when my divorce was final – that is big change.  It was scary.  Looking back I’m convinced there is no stronger force than a parent protecting their child.  Being a single mom of a young child drove me to bigger and better things with my career.  It also lead me to be a better mom and person.   I no longer fear financial insecurity (for the most part).  I no longer fear being alone. I no longer fear many things – all because of what I went through.

5. Change gives you choices

Once the spirit of change is validated and embraced, change can become part of your normal routine.  If you choose something and don’t like it, that isn’t the end of the line. Change things again! From changing your coffee order to the brand of cereal your family eats this week, change can be fun. From picking a new wall color to a new genre of book to read, change can be exciting. From changing where you volunteer your time or which organization you donate to, change can matter to more people.

When my divorce was final I made big changes to my house – I repainted rooms, moved furniture around, rearranged the cabinets and made changes to the yard.  These small changes made a big difference.  Small things like which cabinet your plates are in can help facilitate change in your head and heart which can give you courage for more change.    In my first marriage I really wanted multiple children.  As a child I was much younger than my siblings and as a result raised as an only child.  I did not like it.  I decided very young I would have no children or multiple children – but not an only child!  Even though my first husband and I had decided on two or three children when we married, after our first (and only) child was born he decided he didn’t want any more.   Well, guess what.  When I remarried it was to someone with three young children, and now we have five!! Talk about an evolution of change.  It is a beautiful blended crazy mess which this extrovert absolutely loves.

There are many truths about change – some scary and some not so much. Embrace the concept of change, and it will lead to enjoying the realities of change.   We at Divorce Strategies Group are here to help you navigate changes from married to single.  Schedule a strategy session or call us at 281-210-0057 to schedule your first mediation session today.  No matter what your situation we strive to help our clients walk through divorce with confidence, strength and courage!