Is this your first marriage? Or your second marriage? Maybe your third marriage?   Studies show the rate of divorce for first marriages has dropped to 40%. But the alarming statistic is the rate of failure for second marriages is 67% and for third marriages, it’s a whopping 74%!

What Most People Do

About 70% of people who walk through divorce will wind up remarrying once again at some point in their life. If cohabiting couples are included in this figure, the statistics show over 80% of people take the chances on another relationship. About 29% of all marriages in the United States involve at least one person who has been married at least one time before. Men generally remarry faster than women do after a divorce. Caucasians are more likely to remarry faster than any other racial demographic in both genders. The median amount of time that it takes someone to get married after a divorce is 3.7 years, which has been fairly stable since 1950.

Sadly, the average length of time for second marriages ending in divorce will typically just under eight years.  Why do you think this is happening? Wouldn’t you think we would’ve learned from our mistakes? Wouldn’t you think we would be smarter, older, more mature and should know better and know what we want in a new partner?

What We Are All Looking For

Feeling lonely or afraid of being on your own is terrifying and can lead to jumping into a new relationship. Rebound relationships are quite common. Having someone adorn you with attention and praise can be intoxicating – especially if you were the one who was left. We’re just human beings and it’s natural to want to feel loved and desired.   So here are what the experts say are the 3 biggest reasons why second marriages fail at such a high rate:

Money

Money is a big issue for many couples, but it’s even more troublesome in second marriages due to child support or alimony payments. When there are children involved, it gets even more complicated financially. I’ve seen many clients who are resentful about how much money is going out to their new husband’s children. It can become a real challenge if it is not discussed openly and honestly.

We highly suggest having a conversation with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or CDFA. This person is a financial planner with a focus on divorce financial planning.  This professional will likely understand how divorce in your area works and understand advanced financial planning concepts. They can help you find common ground in your new marriage and work through financial issues long before they lead to divorce.

parenting children after divorce

Children

Many couples stay together “for the children.” Where natural children might keep a marriage together, step-children can be a divisive factor in second marriages. Many parents deal with the frustration of having step-kids. The biggest issue here is partners not supporting each other when it comes to dealing with each other’s natural children.  This can be extremely difficult and frustrating – especially when two families blend together.

A good therapist or parent facilitator can be invaluable.   We suggest finding one in your area to help create a parenting plan for the blended family and to help walk through kinks and issues as they arise.

Exes

This really depends on the circumstances of the divorce. Typically, the person who was left, especially because of an affair, may be resentful and angry. They may be terribly unhappy that their ex is so quickly in a new relationship or remarried. They may even try to sabotage things to create emotional or financial tension for the new partners.  Again, a good therapist is invaluable in this situation.  Whether you are the ex struggling with your former spouse finding ‘love’ so soon or you are the one feeling sabotaged, having an unbiased third party trained in these issues helping you is critical.

Hope

If you’re struggling with a divorce – whether it’s your first, second or third marriage, let us help you work through this so that you can feel confident moving forward into the next chapter of your life.  We also work with many therapists in the area and can help you find the right one for you.  Contact our Divorce Strategies Group today to help you find your new you.

Resources:

https://www.michaelagardner.net/blog/2018/10/09/divorce-statistics-in-the-united-193973, https://brandongaille.com/52-fascinating-divorce-and-remarriage-statistics/