One of the biggest reality checks for those in divorce is you do not get “do-overs”. Once the estate has been divided, it is divided. Once decisions with minor children have been made, they are made. Sure, you can always spend thousands of dollars to go back to court if you decide you do not like the children’s agreements or want to modify spousal support which was put in place, but that’s just it – you’ll spend thousands of dollars. So now is the time to make sure you are really in the best place you can possibly be for your future.
When you come to terms with this thought, it will hopefully help you see the importance of making the best, most informed decisions you possibly can right now. How many times in life have you longed for a do-over? Don’t make this process something you wish you could have done over. In order to make informed decisions it is important to do all you can to think logically right now.
REACTING EMOTIONALLY
This is one of the BIGGEST MISTAKES made in the divorce process. I know for me; I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted emotionally with the process. I did not know what I was doing, and I felt as though I was going through this in a fog – I just was not myself. I was so stuck in worrying about the future I was not able to take small steps each day to ensure I was on track with the things I had control over.
What this creates is a state of high arousal in the right side of the brain which controls the “fight, flight or freeze” response. We have all heard of this because it’s the basic, instinctual part of the brain protecting us from imminent danger. When we are living in this state of constant arousal, it’s nearly impossible to use the left side of the brain which is our reasoning/decision making part of the brain. We are simply reacting to the events and stimulus without being able to process what is important, so we get angry, afraid, confused and overwhelmed.
What would it be like if you could get help with the emotional part that’s paralyzing you right now? Imagine being able to see the options you might have and the possibilities you never even thought about!
TRY THIS TODAY
Take small steps each day – just one action step to help you feel in control of your divorce process – maybe make a to-do list and check off one small item every day. This can put you back in the left side of the brain where you can begin to think reasonably and clearly.
GET PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT!!
The divorce process requires us to make monumental financial and relational decisions which will impact, realistically, the rest of our lives. It is a wise decision to have professionals help you during this process who are on your side. This help could involve a therapist, divorce coach or group support like Wise Woman’s Guide to Divorce or Divorce Care.
Another area where an advocate can help is with your financials – specifically a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. If you are younger, the decisions you make today could impact the childhood your children experience including the resources you have to raise them. If you are older, your divorce is a financial negotiation for your retirement years. It is critical to get help with your finances no matter what your situation. That is why we offer complimentary consultations online or the phone for those in divorce to discuss your financial concerns. Contact us today to schedule your time to talk about your concerns and discuss what small steps you can take for financial and emotional peace of mind.